Traveling is a lot of fun; you get to see new places, meet new people, and gain new understandings about how the world works. Loverboy and I love to travel, and we enjoy pretty much most of the experience. There is one part of traveling the drives Loverboy a bit crazy and that is the jaunt through airport security. He rarely makes it through security without some incident and history seems to be on repeat with every trip we take.
Over the years I have adapted my flying routine to better suit what needs to happen when you hit airport security. This includes never wearing pants that require a belt (thank you leggings!), not carrying any fluids at all, even the supposedly acceptable 100 ml size, carrying a really small purse and putting only underwear (ain’t nobody wants to search those), medications and some yummy snacks (have you seen the price of airline snacks?) in my carry-on. When I get in line, I have everything organized to ensure that I make it through to the other end unscathed. For some reason, Loverboy treats every foray into a security line like it is a new experience. It is as if he can’t remember what happened the last time; he has suppressed those memories deep in his subconscious. And every time, he becomes a marked man with the same scenario played out over and over again.
It begins with the loading of the trays. Loverboy just dumps everything in to them and hopes for the best. When it is his time to walk through the metal detector machine, it beeps. Oops, he forgot to unload the change in his right pocket! On his second attempt, the machine beeps again. Oops, he forgot his keys in his left pocket! Third attempt and he continues to set off the alarm, which now means he has called attention to himself, and the agents gather around to watch another agent run the wand over him. It beeps loudly when it passes down his left arm. The agent does a pat down and tries the wand again. It beeps again as it passes down his left arm. The agent looks at him puzzled until Loverboy tells him he has titanium elbow. The agent subtly suggests he tell them that before he goes through the machine the next time, then sends him on his way.
Next, Loverboy goes to pick up his bag but is stopped by another agent. She asks him if he has an I-Pad in his bag. He answers in the affirmative (he forgets to take it out even though he has traveled with that I-Pad several times and knows the rules) and the agent, after giving him a withering look, disappears with his bag. Loverboy is left standing there without any idea where his bag has gone, or if he is going to be arrested. It is not pretty and by this time he is feeling a little stressed out. In most situations, you would think his trials and tribulations at security would attract a crowd but everyone else is so busy trying to get through security themselves without attracting the agents’ attention that he is the least of their worries.
Now, although Loverboy is often the purveyor of his own folly, I sometimes wonder if the fact that he is a man causes him more angst. On our last trip, our hotel prepared each of us a lovely bagged breakfast because we were flying out very early in the morning. Our breakfasts were identical: yoghurt parfait, a banana, an apple, a breakfast bar and a juice box. Each of us placed the bags on our trays, not knowing if they would survive the trip through security but, hoping for the best. Mine went through no problem – nobody blinked an eye. Loverboy’s was removed from the tray and a security agent went through it and pulled out all the things that couldn’t be saved, namely the yoghurt parfait and the juice box. When I showed her mine, which was exactly the same, and said it had passed muster, she replied that his didn’t and he couldn’t take it. Huh?!? I thought she would call security over to grab mine back but she just shook her head and walked away. Some things you just don’t pursue!
Even with all of his issues with security, Loverboy still likes to travel. I have been trying to think of ways to help Loverboy avoid these security stresses in the future and I have a few ideas for him including carrying a purse, wearing leggings, and … Okay, those suggestions aren’t going to work. I guess, he is just going to have to figure it out on his own because he really doesn’t like me reminding him about what to do when we are standing in line. They say failure leads to success so it has to come at some point. Fingers crossed!